From Seeming Evil God Worketh Good For Me

I find, for me at least, that it's so easy to doubt God's loving sovereignty in times of trial. I'm getting so much better and my health is coming along so far... and yet, there are still so many unanswered prayers and challenges that I seem to face. I'm not complaining but just stating the reality. It's hard for me when life is difficult to connect my head knowledge to heart knowledge. See, I know that God is good but as I think about the past 7 months of my life I find my heart drifting and wondering at times if that knowledge of God's goodness is actually true. I start asking myself, "How does this trial really reflect God's perfect sovereignty if he's also actually good to me??" I know the truth but to actually believe it is true for me, right now, I'm finding at times much harder to do.

Joe was drawing me out about these thoughts on Sunday and in the course of our conversation he gave me a little illustration (which for any of you who know Joe know that no conversation with him is complete without one!) He said, "Kristen, God is creating a magnificent painting and in he's kindness he's allowing you to see a portion of it. Only thing is that you don't realize that you're only looking through a really tiny pinhole. It's such a small taste of the bigger picture. Right now you as you squint to see through this tiny spotlight you see what appears to be just a black and grey smudge. You don't understand how that could be apart of a beautiful masterpiece. But what you need to do is trust in the Sovereign One who can see the whole painting. He knows that without that black and grey smudge the picture wouldn't be as beautiful."

He's right. God's plan is so much bigger then mine and when I get to heaven and I'm allowed to have a clearer view of the painting I will be amazed at all the interwoven parts and I'm sure that I will rejoice and stand in awe at the Savior's perfectly good and sovereign plan on my life.

Today a really good friend of mine, who has also has suffered many physical trials in her life, shared the following poem with me. It really ministered to me and addressed this train of thought that I've been wrestling with. I pray that god helps me to continue to grow and that my life will only grow more and more to reflect this unwavering faith in God.

I will not doubt, though all my ships at sea

Come drifting home with broken masts and sails;

I will believe the Hand that never fails,

From seeming evil worketh good for me.

And though I weep because those sails are tattered,

Still will I cry, while my best hopes lie shattered,

"I trust in Thee."

I will not doubt, though all my prayers return

Unanswered from the still white realm above;

I will believe it is an all-wise Love

That has refused these things for which I yearn.

And though I cannot keep from grieving,

Yet the pure ardor of my fixed believing,

Undimmed will burn.

I will not doubt, though sorrows fall like rain,

And troubles swarm like bees about a hive.

I will believe the heights for which I strive

Are only reached by anguish and by pain;

And though I groan and writhe beneath my crosses,

Yet will I see through my severest losses

The greater gain.

I will not doubt. Well anchored is this faith,

Like some staunch ship, my soul braves every gale;

So strong its courage that it will not fail

To face the mighty unknown sea of death.

Oh, may I cry, though body leaves the spirit,

"I do not doubt," so listening worlds may hear it,

With my last breath.

-Ella Wheeler Wilcox