The Beginning of the End

Wow. Today, I’m actually sitting on my couch at home surrounded by all my comfy pillows as I type this. That’s right, I’m home after only a couple days at Johns Hopkins! Please forgive me for not posting anything sooner but yesterday was so hectic with everything that I didn’t really have a chance. There is so much to tell and I’m not sure where to begin but I will try :)

Yesterday a herd of doctors, nurses, and techs came marching into my room around mid morning. My bow-tied doctor, who was in the lead, didn’t waste anytime. He looked at me and said that he had some news. Because my body had been convulsing so much over the last couple days they were able to gather a lot of information. With that they were able to determine what was going on with my body. His explanation was one that confused us a bit and we had a lot of questions. After several talks with a couple of the doctors over the course of the day we began to understand it much better. We're still soaking it in so let me do my best to try and explain it to you.

The bottom line is that our God has been so merciful, so incredibly merciful. Through all the testing they were able to determine that my convulsions are not epileptic seizures, the primary thing we were there to rule out. Epilepsy is a chronic neurological disorder characterized by unprovoked seizures due to abnormal neuron activity in the brain that has no cure. (whew... sounds smart, huh?) Praise God, the EEG revealed that my brain is functioning normally and the EKG told that everything is running smoothly with my heart. There were no abnormalities reported at all, even in the midst of my convulsions. With this information they were able to rule out that my condition is “life threatening,” chronic, or that it could in anyway be damaging to my body in the future. Praise God!

The part that confused us at first was that my condition is one that they have observed before yet there is not a specific name for the cause of it. The way they describe it is that basically, without my control of it, my brain is telling my body to do something (go into a convulsion, slur your speech, tighten your muscles, etc) but there is no medical explanation for WHY it is doing it. Although there could be multiple guesses as to why it was brought on, the fact of the matter is that they don’t know and we may never know. Even with all the technology in the world, this is one of those conditions that falls into the category of being beyond what modern day medicine is able to understand.

The doctors don’t have an explanation for what is occurring in my brain but God has given them enough understanding through other cases like mine that they are able to confidently say that I am in no danger. One of the biggest means of encouragement was when the doctor said that because it was diagnosed so early (amazing 4 months is early, huh?) that based on their knowledge from other cases there is a very high chance that I will just gradually get better with time.

Amazing… lets stop here for a second and think about it. Here my body is obviously messed up and not functioning correctly and yet my brain and heart appear as though everything is completely normal. I’m at the best hospital in the world, being seen by one of the best doctors in the world in this field, being tested by some of their best machines, and yet… there isn’t any real “here’s what’s wrong so take this pill and you’ll get better” answer. Wow. Doesn’t that just point to how great and complex our God is? Think about it… if our bodies can be that complex, how much more is our God? How mighty and amazing and perfect and great he is?? Yet, what I was so aware of was how merciful he is!! Even though there aren’t many answers “why” I’m here God has allowed us to know that it will probably go away and there will be no physical damage in the process. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

So I will now continue to be under the care of the doctors at Johns Hopkins. Through their care in coaching me how to deal with the convulsions and other episodes there is high hope that over time my brain will gradually return to functioning normally and the convulsions and other symptoms will eventually stop.

There is so much more I’d love to type out and tell you. Things like where do we go from here, what our prayer requests are, how God is using this in Joe’s and my life, how you can serve us, etc but I’m going to have to save those for a later time. Because of all that has occurred I’m going to need time to allow my body to recover. I’m exhausted :) For now, please know that Joe and I are so aware and really grateful for how God has used you and answered each of your prayers and given us greater clarity concerning my condition. Overall, Johns Hopkins was an excellent experience and we felt very cared for by the staff there. I’ll be posting more later when I feel up to it…